Mom had picked me up some Backstreet Boys cards the night before. Bless her heart, the guys had some killer pipes. Just not the message I was trying to send to my 5th grade classmates.

Out of the corner of my eye I see them.

Lion King it is.

Dated in 96′ I know, but even then I had a soft spot for the vintage. Also, Lion King, much like the Situation all these years later,  had mass appeal. The Michael Jordan card is perfect to tell Todd you are best buds, but that is not the card that is going to get you holding Aubrey’s hand at recess.

So what card do you give Aubrey? Each card with a specific meaning . Maybe the “I’m not Lion, you are Terrific” card? No, subtlety is lost on 5th graders. Give that to one of the ugly girls.

Go for the kill with a “will you be mine.” And you only give out one of those cards. You put it in her perfectly decorated brown paper lunch bag and you wait, wait as your poorly decorated bag is filled with the cards of your classmates.

96′ was a good year for me. I cleaned up. I got way more I like you cards than we are just friends cards.

Here are my top 5 Valentines Day Cards of the 90s;

Aladdin - No hiding that you are done with the get down when you hand this one out.

Michael Jordan - Sure this one makes you cool with the boys. Even back in the day when girls were gross, you know what this day was about.

Ninja Turtles - The girl that gives me a Ninja Turtle valentine in 2013. That is the girl I marry.

 The Simpsons - Marge is the sexy one.

 Batman - Ladies, if you got this one as a kid. He did not just want to be you friend.

The End

Oh yeah, Aubrey liked me too.

Often times I have heard speakers or authors include the Webster’s dictionary definition of their word at this point of the article or speech. Well, manscaping has yet to get the nod from those snobby Webster’s editors. So instead, I turn to perhaps a more trustworthy source, urban dictionary.

According to Urban Dictionary, manscaping is, “a fine art form exclusive to men; including the continued upkeep of exceptional hygiene and strategic hair removal as they pertain to the male body.” How would you use it in a sentence? One urban dictionary entry gives the example;

“John got some serious razor burn on his junk. He’s gotta remember to moisturize after manscaping.”
Not only is that a good example of how to use manscaping in a sentence, it is just plain good advice. However, this sentence might lead you to believe manscaping is only for the, “junk.” As far as I am concerned, any male grooming from the neck down is manscaping. Further more, if you still want to look like a man, there shouldn’t be razor burn, because there shouldn’t be a razor.

No part of you really needs to be completely bald. (besides maybe your ass, but I would suggest you learn to live with it or visit one of those laser hair removal people) You are a man, and women expect to see some hair.  That doesn’t mean it can’t be kept neat. (I almost forgot, you can’t have hair popping out the top of your shirt. I give you permission to razor shit that out of existence too.)

So what is the proper amount of body hair? I suppose that is for each man to decide for himself. I have friends who run a beard trimmer over their chest and stomach. For a long time, I used actual used scissors to keep my man fur in check. It works, but there have been some pinching type accidents that make it a difficult option to promote.

To solve the problem, several companies have come out with male-body-groomers.  I finally traded in my scissors for one of Norelco’s trimmers, the Bodygroom Pro. It’s been good to me. It has an adjustable clipper to get the right length in each body area, as well as a close shave for that top of the chest hair (and ass if you see fit).

Whatever instrument you use to tackle the body hair conundrum, trust me, there is a happy medium between looking like the missing link and a hairless metro-sexual. Somewhere between those two extremes you will find a place that makes you feel comfortable, but more importantly a place that she finds comfortable.

Each week, Alec Baldwin interviews someone on his WNYC radio show Here’s the Thing. Recently, midwest man Dave Lettermen talks about his life growing up in Indiana, his time at Ball State, and his career in TV.

While at a fashion show, Kanye West’s relationship with Anja Rubik began with a casual conversation about porn’s lack of beauty. That conversation has grown into this work, where Kanye and 25 magazine owner, Anja try to infuse art into porn.

Source: GQ

The obvious flaw is that the healthier cheaper options don’t solve the easy part. But you know what they say, good things come to those who wait.