To all the guys looking to find Mrs. Right in a bar: good freaking luck. I assure you I’m saying this not because I’m some love-hating pessimist; I actually do whole-heartedly believe it could happen. The problem is just this. Whenever I think of meeting guys in bars, all that comes to mind are cheesy one-liners, lowered standards, and booty thumping rap music that centers on skipping the introduction thing and grinding on over to the closest “hotel, motel, or Holiday Inn,” as Pitbull would put it. Obviously such circumstances are sure to guarantee a good time, and I’d be lying if I say that we girls haven’t thoroughly enjoyed our share of dance floor, stranger-danger make-out sessions. But my point is that these guys are often times far from whom we would associate ourselves with in the so-called world of real life. So if you’re looking for Mrs. Right, you definitely need to up your game.

You’re “average” (for lack of a better word), date-able girl goes to the bar simply to socialize and have a good time. No girl goes to a bar expecting to find Prince Charming. Despite this fact however, how can it not be in the back of our minds? So even if the setting isn’t some ocean-side castle off the coast of Tasmania, all compliments will be warmly accepted and deeply appreciated. If you’re going to ask us if we’re Jewish though (‘cause we Israeli hot), then you better, without a doubt, be sincere about it (and hope to sweet baby Jesus that the girl isn’t really Jewish). Fair warning. If you can pull it off, I’d definitely give you a point for creativity and giggles, and props for effectively using that ridiculous line as an ice breaker. (On a side note, the “Hi my name is so-and-so and I think you’re absolutely gorgeous” approach works really well too.)

What girls really look for most when meeting guys in a bar is simply someone who is real. We want to laugh, have a good time, and engage in light-hearted conversation with someone new. Girls are big on the socially attractive thing. (This is of course coming from a girl who would hands-down prefer your charming nerd to the stereotypical Abercrombie model any day, but I still think it applies) Prove to us that you’re down to earth and have some sort of standards, and I promise you that it’ll get you so much further. You’ll be in. (Please omit any “that’s what she said” type comments here.)

Maybe it really is some form of rocket science, but I don’t really see the concept as being overly complicated. To state it bluntly, I’ll simply advise you not to be a douchebag. Be confident, but not a player. Stand up for the people that you’re with, but don’t initiate fights. Here’s a little secret: as tough as you may be, we really could care less about your muscles if they’re being swung at someone else’s face. In such a case, I can assure you that no amount of beer goggles will make you seem attractive.

Anyway, though you may act tough at times, we all know you have heart. I’m pretty sure we would not find you nearly as irresistible if you didn’t display this every once and while. Girls ultimately want a guy who shares his feelings about life and the things that are important to him, but isn’t a clingy emotional little girl. Of course we’re not going to discover these qualities instantly upon meeting you at a bar, but releasing the words “I love you” within the first half hour or texting us nonstop the moment we decide to leave with our friends are fair warning signs to us. We will most likely find this creepy rather than cute…and though these things work in the movies, please refrain.

If you like us, buy us a drink. We’re pretty darn good at differentiating the dudes from the guys, so when we accept and say thank-you, please know that we seriously mean it. Moral of this story: as long as you’re not the asshole trying to steal the tip jar or grabbing our butt as you walk up to the bar, you are strides above the guy standing next you. I swear we’re not as complicated as you may think. What we look for when meeting guys at bars is the same as what we look for anywhere else. Just be real, have fun, and we’ll undoubtedly do the same. With that, happy socializing and joyful drinking.